


How to Win the Heart of Any Woman

by CherieoftheDragons (SignCherie)



Category: Shall We Date?: Obey Me!
Genre: Anger, Awkwardness, F/M, Female MC - Freeform, Fluff and Humor, Humor, Insecurity, Jealousy, Mutual Pining, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Pining, Threats of Violence, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-17
Updated: 2020-03-19
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:20:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23181616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SignCherie/pseuds/CherieoftheDragons
Summary: How does one go about wooing a human? Desperate to stand out from his brothers, Satan takes an embarrassing approach. He buys himself...a dating guidebook.*Takes place somewhere around chapters 17-18.
Relationships: Main Character/Satan (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!), Satan (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 33
Kudos: 136





	1. Temper, Temper

**Author's Note:**

> Rose is the main character I use in all my Obey Me! fics. However, she is not meant to be in love with all the boys at once. Please consider these fics as alternate universes where she falls for different brothers.
> 
> Thank you to zecaeruwu on tumblr for the prompt: "You don't have to leave." This might not resemble the prompt much yet, but I promise, it's coming.
> 
> A big thank you to TrulyCertain for being a wonderful beta.

“Rooooooose! Won’t you sit by me today?”

Satan looked up from his breakfast to see Rose stepping into the dining room. As always, the sight of her made his heart thump. To cover it, he put on a disinterested expression.

Across the table, Asmo stood up, pulling out the chair next to him with a flourish. “I saved you a seat! Come on, come on!”

So overbearing.

With a smile, she took the proffered chair. Asmo’s happy grin made Satan grit his teeth.

Every morning, his brothers fought over who would save her seat at breakfast. Every morning, Satan refused to lower himself to such a petty argument. Which meant that every morning, she sat by someone else.

Well. He might not be sitting next to her today, but she was directly across from him. From this position, he had a perfect view of her striking features. This might actually be better.

“You’re late again,” Belphie observed, passing her a near-empty serving dish. “You’ve got to get here earlier if you want to get more food.”

Beel frowned. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay.” She smiled at Beel. “I don’t have much appetite in the morning anyway.”

“I would like you to make an effort to eat.” Lucifer gave her a severe look. “Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. If your grades suffer due to lack of energy, it will reflect poorly on Diavolo.”

Who did he think he was fooling? The entire table knew he was worried about her health, not her grades.

Levi looked up from his food. “So, um, Rose. The new game I ordered from Akuzon is supposed to arrive this afternoon. It’s a multiplayer space adventure set in the Triangulum Galaxy about exiled pirates trying to save an energy crystal that can terraform planets from the clutches of an evil empire that’s taking over the universe by enslaving aliens race by race with mind-control technology. It’s being hailed as the most anticipated game of the year, with a superior graphics engine and painstaking attention to scientific detail. I want to be the first one to review it on Akuzon, so…” He hesitated. “Do you, um, want to… play it with me?”

“Hey! Whaddya think you’re sayin’? Don’t go hoggin’ her all to yourself. Anyway, she’s goin’ shopping with me after school today! Right, Rose?”

“Um—”

“No wayyy! I want to have a beauty day with her! Mammon, you’ll just make her pay for everything. That’s no way to treat a lady.”

“She’s hardly eating any breakfast. She’s going to be starving. Rose, do you want to get something to eat later?”

“I’m sure she’s going to want a nap—”

Their voices began overlapping, and she made a wry face, turning her attention to her plate.

Idiots.

Well. Asking her to watch the newest episode of his drama now was out of the question. Maybe he could catch her alone and invite her later.

As his brothers went on squabbling, her eyes flickered over the table, then landed on the now-empty bowl of scrambled lizard eggs. Her face fell momentarily, but she returned to her meal as if nothing had happened.

Silently, Satan leaned over the table to spoon his own untouched eggs onto her plate.

Her eyes shot up to meet his, and a grateful smile crossed her face. “Thank you, Satan.”

He smiled back at her, hoping she couldn’t tell how much his pulse was racing.

* * *

At lunch, Satan made it a point to get to the cafeteria early. If he ate quickly, he could escape to the library before the incessant prattling of his brothers drove him insane. 

Scanning the room for a seat, his eyes fell on Rose, sitting on her own, apparently absorbed in a book.

The sight of her made his heart jump. A moment later, hesitation washed over him. He knew how irritating it was to be interrupted in the middle of a book. Still… if he could sit with her, he didn’t mind if she kept reading. Just being in her presence, without his brothers hovering, would be nice. At least until they inevitably showed up.

Making up his mind, he strode toward her. If he ignored this opportunity, he would regret it later.

Just as he reached her table, another demon stepped in front of him.

Satan stopped in his tracks. 

The demon didn’t appear to notice him. “Hello. Your name is Rose, right?”

She looked up in surprise. Her eyes fell on Satan, then turned to the impudent man before her.

“That’s right. Did you need something?”

Apparently oblivious to Satan’s presence, the miserable wretch sat down. Right in the seat  _ he’d _ meant to take.

His blood began to boil.

“I’m sorry for bothering you. It’s just that I’ve wanted to talk to you for a while now, but you’re always surrounded by the student council members. I was hoping, since you’re alone now, you might give me a bit of your time...?” His voice trailed off hopefully.

Her eyes widened, and again, she looked at Satan.

How dare he. How DARE he.

When she didn’t answer, the bastard went on. “I know those brothers will probably be here any minute, but if—”

_ ENOUGH. _

Satan was surprised at how calm his voice was when he spoke. “Who. The hell. Do you think you ARE.”

The insolent creature froze, body rigid as petrified stone.

_ “You would  _ dare _ to take my seat? To speak to the human  _ I’ve _ made a pact with?” _

Trembling, the demon rose to his feet, turning toward Satan, eyes fixed on the ground. “Forgive me, Lord Satan, sir…”

The world around him receded into a burning, red haze. The only thing he saw was the disgusting, offensive insect that had now dropped to its knees, groveling before him.

**“Shall I strip your skin from your body?”** The fury was seeping into his voice now, and he basked in the way the vermin shook. **“Or should I start more slowly, ripping out your fingernails one by one?”**

The bug made some very satisfying croaking noises.

“…Satan…?”

Rose’s soft voice penetrated the crimson veil. With a start, he ripped his eyes away to find her watching him with tender concern.

She tilted her head. “Would you like to have lunch with me?” 

He blinked. The cafeteria reappeared around him.

Closing her book, she offered him an irresistible smile. “I’m glad you’re here. I didn’t get to talk to you at breakfast, so…”

The insect scrambled to its feet and scurried away. Satan found he didn’t even care.

“Of course,” he replied, smoothly taking his seat.

She was supposed to be just a human. Unimportant. Expendable. That’s what he’d been prepared for when she was thrust into their midst, as out of place as a bird in the ocean. Just a human.

He’d never been so wrong. Before he knew it, she’d begun poking her nose into every aspect of his family’s life, meddling and prying… and changing his world.

He wanted her to notice him, wanted to be more to her than part of the family she’d adopted. She did care about him — or so he believed — but it was the same affection she shared for all his brothers. That wasn’t what he wanted. He wanted to be first in her heart. He wanted to mean more to her than anyone.

But… how?


	2. Inspiration Strikes

None of this homework made sense.

With classes done for the day, Satan returned to the House of Lamentation and holed himself up in the library. To his irritation, the words in his textbook floated through his brain like smoke and dissipated into the air. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t stop his mind from supplanting all productive thoughts with the image of her inviting smile and clever eyes. 

He wanted her. She was all he could think about.

There had to be some trick to this. His brothers’ attempts at wooing her were clearly ineffectual. He would need a different approach. But when it came to gaining her approval, he had no idea what to do. What did human women desire? All his experience with humans flew out the window when it came to her. She broke all the rules, defying his every expectation. Until now, all the humans foolish enough to summon him had demanded riches, fame, power. But none of that meant anything to her. She had pacts with six of the most powerful demons in the Devildom, and she’d never taken advantage of that. She simply accepted them… and earned their acceptance in turn.

So… what? What did she want?

Well. Clearly, there was no point in studying right now. With a sigh, he gathered his belongings and got to his feet.

“Satan?”

He nearly dropped his books.

She was standing in front of him, gazing expectantly, her backpack slung over her shoulder. Whatever she saw on his face must have been amusing, because she laughed. “Sorry. I thought you heard me come in.”

He said the first thing that came to mind. “You’re not with one of my brothers this afternoon?”

“No, I have homework to catch up on. And they were so competitive this morning that I didn’t want to choose between them.” She rolled her eyes. “I don’t want to play favorites. That’s not how I think.”

A lump formed in his throat. “I… see.”

Forcing himself to push aside his sinking heart, he examined her face. Now that she was here, he didn’t want to leave anymore. However, he had just risen to his feet with all his books, and it would surely look odd if he simply sat back down.

“I’m glad I caught you.” She plunked her backpack down on the table. “Would you have time to look over the essay I wrote for alchemy class?”

An excuse to stay. Good. And she’d been the one to come to him. He hadn’t even had to ask. Even with all the offers from his brothers, she was here with him now. 

His chest felt light.

“Of course.” He nodded. “Let me see.”

She handed over the paper, and they sat beside each other at the table while he read it over. As he’d noticed before, she was an excellent writer. The content was well-organized and easy to follow. Her writing style drew the reader in. However…

“The information here is a bit sparse.”

She sighed. “I knew you were going to say that.”

“Then why show it to me now? Why not wait until it’s ready?”

“Because I’m stuck. Alchemy isn’t exactly a subject I studied in the human world. I don’t know what I’m supposed to be including.” She gave him a lopsided smile. “If anyone can help, it’s you. I know you won’t let me flounder.”

She trusted him.

“Of course I won’t. Your premise here is solid. You must have some understanding if you can come up with a concept like this.” He tapped the paper. “This part here, what made you think of it?”

They went on like that, leaning close over the paper as he drew out her ideas and helped her formulate them clearly, solidifying them with factual information. When she had what she needed, she took the paper back with a nod.

“You’re a lifesaver, Satan.”

“It’s nothing.”

“Maybe to you it’s nothing, but to me, it’s an immense help.”

“Well.” He could feel his face getting warm, and he looked away. “If you like, I can recommend a book or two for future reference. Anything you might ever need to know can be found in a book somewhere.”

“That’d be great! Can you message a few recs to me?”

“Of course.”

She looked far too happy for such a simple favor. Still, that suited him just fine. If it was this easy to make her happy, maybe he did have a chance after all.

To his shock, she threw her arms around him. The hug lasted barely a second. Before he could even react, she’d pulled away, jumping to her feet. “I’ll see you at dinner, then! Thank you!”

And she hurried from the room.

His body felt warm. He could still feel her arms around him, holding him tight… 

She drove him crazy. He had to have her. But— 

—what did she want? What did she  _ want? _

For the second time today, he gathered up his books. And then — it hit him.

_ Books. _

Just a minute ago, he’d said it himself.  _ “Anything you might ever need to know can be found in a book somewhere.” _

She was a human woman, and he didn’t know what human women liked. He had no experience to draw on. But there were people who did. Another human would know what to expect.

Understanding human women was beyond him, so he should seek answers from someone who did.

Dropping his textbooks, he raced back to his room. There he dug out his laptop from beneath a pile of ancient tomes and opened up the Akuzon website.

Half an hour later, after perusing all the options, he placed an order for a human bestseller.

_ How to Win the Heart of Any Woman. _

Embarrassing, but if it worked, it would be well worth it.

**Author's Note:**

> If you're enjoying this, please consider leaving an encouraging comment!


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